DH and I, before getting hitched, agreed that any name change I may make need not be legal- the expense and general bother just wasn’t worth it to us.  Alas, the many surprises that marriage brings included a complete about-face on the legal name change issue.

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah!

I have had a few crappy days lately: illness, tough times at work, and celebrations past, present, and impending have been wearing on me. I've gotten better about indulging in self-pity, however, and tried something that I hope may help you: when I'm having a bad day, I've sought out extra opportunities for kindness: offering a seat on the subway to an older/pregnant/parcel-laden person, making sure I've extra change for my favorite homeless folk, that sort of thing. It gives a lift to the spirits like nothing else, and it's free, for whatever I loan to God through charity will be repaid. And the promise of the Lord is true. 

Sometimes the Spirit approaches like a shy friend – a gentle tap on the shoulder, an embrace that is tentative at first, then you are enfolded in Divine Love.

Sometimes the Spirit approaches like a storm – a portentous approach, a bolt of Joy that shakes your ordinary world to its foundations, singing through your veins like wine made from sunlight.

Sometimes the Spirit approaches like the rising of the sun- pale and subtle, its ever changing hues a promise of comfort and wisdom.

Sometimes the Spirit approaches like a too-strong current- ripping you from your complacency, forcing you to fight to save your soul.

Sometimes I wonder if there isn't truth to conservative accusations that progressives merely pursue the morality of the moment, and that when our beliefs are no longer en vogue, they would change- that we are morality fashion victims. This is a particularly pernicious charge to level at the followers of a faith that values tradition over progress, that creates a curse word out of the concept of innovation. If this were indeed true, that would indicate that progressives are truly on thin ice, Islamically speaking. Like most charges leveled by conservatives, it's a low blow, but I decided to see where it led.

I head to NYC on occasion, as Masjid al Farah is the closest, most tolerable mosque. Imam Feisal's khutbahs are like warm honey, and men and women pray together in a rather cozy space; men who arrive late go upstairs, giving equal opportunities to men and women to see the imam, and fully participate in Jumu'ah.

I've come to the conclusion that Jumu'ah, and indeed all congregational worship, is meant to bring together the vertical (human to God) and horizontal (human to creation) dimensions of faith. That we don't merely watch the imam celebrate Jumu'ah, and we don't worship to justify the gathering- the gathering and the worship are each other's purpose. That's part of the reason why I object to segregation in worship; it undermines an essential aspect of Jumu'ah. This is why I spent half the khutbah wondering why a few inches of wood were keeping me from participating in Jumu'ah.

Baraka Bob aside, there are few guys ready to appreciate black progressive musician/writer/imams, even if they do belly dance and even cook on occaision. With my last ex, however, I've learned to add one more item to the list of things my guy must have. It's something I took for granted while in my hometown, but now that I've lived outside of Philadelphia, I am realizing the importance of home training. For the uninitiated, I'll explain: home training encompasses all the practices and values that a well-brought up person should have. It starts with etiquette, but goes on to civic responsibilty, and generally being the best child, grandchild, parent, spouse, partner, neighbor, stranger, whatever you can be. 

No, Shukr is not taking cues from European fashion- at least not from this millennium. Shukr's new togs for women feature the same earth tones and neutrals as they always have, and the same medieval cuts and hemlines. They tend to assume that if you cut wide enough, it will hide any semblance of a figure, which is partly true. However, pick the wrong cut and/or fabric, and you will wind up highlighting just what you wanted to conceal.

Like this wee number:

Shukr's Mock Wrap Discernment Dress

My Lord, Most Merciful Beloved:

As ever, we humans are lost without your guidance and care, and it seems that we have strayed farther than ever from the way that you have ordained for us. We have among us those who have taken to attacking innocents in houses of worship,  most recently taking the life of your Pamela Waechter.

Oh Lord, have mercy upon the soul of Pamela, and give her the best of the delights of your Jannah. Comfort those who love her, and sustain them through this difficult time. Ease the fears of those who are frightened that they may be next. Help us move beyond fear and towards faith. Grant us the wisdom to strive for understanding and mercy, instead of lashing out in anger and despair. May we learn to love our neighbors as ourselves, and to preserve and edify life instead of destroying it. Oh Merciful Lord, may there be no more Pamela Waechters. May no one else die of hatred and ignorance. Help us grow in Divine Love and Mercy. There is no might and power except Yours. Help us become more perfect servants, for we are surely lost without your Light. Amin.

OK Ilan killed the personal ads idea, so I shan't be playing auntie for anyone on PI.org. I still think we should have a discussion on progressive Muslims finding mates that are spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually compatible (among other things). Marriage isn't the same as it was when our grandparents were getting hitched, and for those of us who have multifaith families, we've got several traditions/forms of baggage to handle. Let's talk about love, people!

My new PI.org name is Fashion Mujahid. I plan to offer something on the Fashion Jihad in a bit, I'm thinking something along the lines of selecting one's best colors. Stay tuned, and be beautiful to yourself.

So I've changed my mind about moderating a personals section on PI.org, I think it might be pretty cool (read: I'm trying to get someone I know hooked up with a "nice progressive Muslim guy"). A pinch of Eharmony, a smidgen of Naseeb, and a swirl of the PI.org patented-  zaniness should do it, but what do you want? I'll tell you what I'm heartily sick of:

1. Guys on matrimonial sites for booty calls. If you want some NSA sex, that's none of my business, but they've got no business trying to pull girls who are the "marrying kind" into it. The last guy I dated pulled that mess, I don't need to go through it again. Heck, nobody needs to go through that.