Baraka Bob aside, there are few guys ready to appreciate black progressive musician/writer/imams, even if they do belly dance and even cook on occaision. With my last ex, however, I've learned to add one more item to the list of things my guy must have. It's something I took for granted while in my hometown, but now that I've lived outside of Philadelphia, I am realizing the importance of home training. For the uninitiated, I'll explain: home training encompasses all the practices and values that a well-brought up person should have. It starts with etiquette, but goes on to civic responsibilty, and generally being the best child, grandchild, parent, spouse, partner, neighbor, stranger, whatever you can be.ÂÂ
Alas, men who possess home training are coming to be as rare as hen's teeth these days, and since I'm looking for a progressive Muslim man, who is of the black-woman marrying persuasion, and is supportive of the musician/writer/imam parts of me, means that I've got my work cut out for me.ÂÂ
So give a holler, everybody, if you know anybody who fits that description, and is feeling particularly insane.ÂÂ
Be Beautiful to Yourself.
NakiaÂÂ
My friend Hassan gave me great advice. He said, watch for "information." I tend to forgive or explain away any negative trait in a guy. But Hassan rightly observed that if I treat what the guy is doing as "information" then I don't have to forgive it or explain it away. It is simply "information." So when I go out with a guy and he tells me how his girlfriends are always bugged about whatever, I don't say "Oh, they misunderstood him." I say, "That's a piece of information." I don't know what I'll do with it or what it will mean. Maybe his old girlfriends were awful. But maybe they weren't. I just keep it in mind.
No man has to feel insane to love you Nakia, he would be insane not to love you.
Yes, the right market is key! :)
I'm not really sure what you mean by etiquette, but I will keep my eyes peeled for eligible heart warmers who don't talk with their mouths full, welcome new neighbors with food, calls his parents weekly, believes that listening to his partner is a politically radical and necessary act (plus he loves to do so!), and likes the sound of hands on a drum and a woman who can talk Islmic shop.
There was this one guy we are trying to set a friend up with: muslim, kashmiri model looking, sufi-friendly, salat friendly.
The next one though, I'm sending your way!
Want my brother-in-law? He's cute, 25 and a guitarist.
Your bro-in-law? Is he going cheap? :P
Seriously, about etiquette- I view the essentials of etiquette as the expression of a fundamental respect for and love of humanity, not the parts that serve to exclude people from a group. Giving up your seat for an elder is far more important to me than knowing your pickle forks from your berry forks- although I wouldn't hold it against a man if he did. Since this ain't a personals board, :( if this conversation needs to go elsewhere, people can email me at m/q/w/e/1/9/1/9@h/o/t/m/a/i/l.c/o/m. (The slashes are to throw spammers off the scent, please delete them.)
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