Sex, Birth Control and Pregnancy

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Introduction


Contents


Sex

According to Islamic law, partners have the right to sexual satisfaction and the obligation to fulfill their partner's sexual satisfaction. Cultural attitudes can overshadow this healthy sense of sexuality, though. Women might find themselves feeling ashamed by their bodies' potential to give and receive sexual pleasure. Women might also simply not know enough about their bodies and feel that a good Muslima does not talk about these things. But it is important for women to be frank with one another and learn from one another's experience. It is also important for women to be comfortable enough with themselves and their partners to talk to their partners and about their feelings and needs. Gaining knowledge of ourselves and our bodies is crucial to a healthy attitude toward sex and our ability to experience sexual pleasure. Please see the interactive body tour section in Women's Bodies.


Masturbation is an important part of understanding our own sexuality as well as helping us deal with normal sexual desire when we have no outlet for it with a partner. Women do not orgasm as easily as men, yet sexual pleasure and orgasm is one of our rights in marriage. Masturbation helps us learn what stimulates us sexually, learn not be ashamed of these feelings, and ultimately communicate to our partners how they can best fulfill our sexual enjoyment. One should not rely on a partner's foreknowledge of one’s body and its needs. A healthy sexual relationship is built on generosity, sensitivity, and communication, not magic and romance.


Legal opinions on masturbation vary. It is almost always permitted or recommended in order to satisfy physical urges that could lead one to have sex outside of marriage. In other cases, it is considered simply "reprehensible," meaning that it is not recommended but there is no punishment for it according to legal scholars. One should perform a full ablution after masturbation if there has been penetration or any vaginal fluids have been released.


The Muslim Women's League essay on sex and sexuality in Islam discusses cultural issues, the sexual rights of partners, and taking a positive tone in discussing sexuality in Islam.


The Our Bodies Ourselves website discusses all matters of sexuality in a frank manner and offers other website links and bibliographies for sources on sexual function in women from teens to post-menopausal.


Birth Control, Abortion, and Adoption

Birth Control

The stress in Islam is on the prevention of unwanted pregnancy. There is such significant difference of legal opinion surrounding birth control that one can safely say its use can be determined by the conscience of the couple involved. Legal rulings suggest that the use of birth control should be decided by the male partner alone or in consultation with his wife. It is important to realize that consultation between husband and wife ends when the husband ultimately makes the final decision on any matter. This means that although the use of birth control is permitted, the woman’s reproductive rights are in the hands of her husband. The rulings rely on the goodwill and wisdom of the husband which unfortunately is not always reliable. A woman may find herself bearing unwanted children or not being permitted to bear children at all despite her desire to do so. In this case, we suggest a woman seek mediation from counselors, community leaders, or family. Not being able to reach a satisfactory agreement on a matter as important as this may indicate serious difficulties in the marriage that should be resolved immediately.


The Feminist Women's Health Center's birth control comparison page offers a detailed comparison of each form of birth control to help you make an informed choice. A number of forms of birth control are available only through your doctor who will help you decided which form would be best for you and your body's needs.


Our Bodies Ourselves has an extensive list of weblinks on birth control.


Abortion

Abortion is prohibited by the majority of contemporary Muslim legal scholars with some difference of opinion. In the pre-modern period, abortion was permitted by many scholars up to 120 days of after conception (understood to be the moment of the soul entering the fetus' body thus making it human) and always in the case of preserving the mother's life. But in the contemporary period, prohibition against abortion is the norm with permissions given in case by case basis. Contemporary scholars argue that the 120 day limit of earlier rulings no longer holds because life can be medically detected now soon after conception. Scholars agree that abortion is always justified to preserve the mother's life medically. Other scholars argue that this exception extends to cases where there would be an unacceptable psychological burden to the mother such as pregnancy through rape or incest. A few scholars suggest that the bar of a psychological burden can be set lower than these traumatic circumstances. Women should consider with their doctor if their situation constitutes a exception to the prohibition. Doctors, not jurists, make the determination.


Please see the Muslim Women's League article on Sex and Sexuality for a discussion of abortion in Islam.


Significantly, emergency contraception or the "day after pill" is considered permissible because it is used prior to medically perceptible pregnancy and prior to the lodging of a fertilized ovum on the uterine wall. Your doctor can call in a prescription for emergency contraception to the pharmacy without need for a visit. It is also prescribed and distributed through any Planned Parenthood office.


For information on emergency contraception or the day after pill see this page in the Our Bodies Ourselves site.


(Legal opinions in this section have been drawn from Donna Lee Bowen, "Contemporary Muslim Ethics of Abortion," Islamic Ethics of Life: Abortion, War, and Euthanasia, ed Jonathan E. Brockopp (Columbia: University of South Carolina Press, 2003) 51-80.)

Adoption

Unwanted pregnancies can also be resolved through "open" adoption. An adoption is "open" when the adopting family preserves the names of the adopted child's birth parents so the child cannot marry his or her sister or brother by mistake in the future. "Open" adoption is the norm in the United States and is permissible by Islamic law. We are told that almost all adoption agencies are reliable and that mothers can find one through a state agency or over the web. In some cases, it is possible for the birth mother to choose the adoptive family and even maintain contact with the family and visit her child after the adoption.


If one is in the unfortunate situation of giving up a child for adoption in an emergency situation, in the United States police stations, firehouses, and hospitals all act as safe houses for mothers to leave their children. You will not be arrested or charged with the crime of abandonment if you bring your baby to one of these locations.


If you have given birth on your own, you should go to an emergency room or see a certified midwife to make sure the process of the birth has been completed and you have no medical complications. The entirety of the placenta must come out. If just one small piece remains inside you, you can die of blood loss. The medical practitioner needs to see everything to make certain that the afterbirth has been completed, so one should ideally not dispose of this material immediately.

Safer Sex

Although pre-marital sex is prohibited in Islam and ideally should make the discussion of safer sex unnecessary, we need to be honest and admit that many Muslims have sex outside of marriage. Please see the section on masturbation above as an important way to avoid pre-marital or unsafe sex. Moreover, in cases of legal temporary marriage, safer sex practices should also be observed.


In short, this means always use a condom during intercourse, although one should likewise use a condom or make a dam from a condom or clear plastic wrap for oral sex if possible. One should always keep condoms with you because unplanned, prohibited sex typically does not happen at a convenient place or time. We have heard of young Muslim men and women having unprotected intercourse because neither one wanted to give the impression to the other that sex was expected or desired. It all has to seem uncontrolled and unintended. The problem is that is how you die, or not as bad, get pregnant. Just keep some condoms around.


Please note that condoms have an expiry date and should be kept in a protective case so that the latex will not be damaged by rubbing and pressure from objects in one's purse or wallet.


Our Bodies Ourselves has a clear discussion of safer sexual practices.


The Muslim Women's League article on Sex and Sexuality discusses the legal issues surrounding sex outside of marriage.

Pregnancy

This section coming soon, insha'allah. In the meantime, please make use of the following website:

Our Bodies Ourselves book excerpt on considering parenting plus links to information and discussions about pregnancy and parenting.