Try this one on for size:

You might be one of the Jews for Jesus who converted to Islam if…

You know you are an Egyptian American Muslim if…

1. You don’t understand right away why Pharaoh is a bad guy
2. You are surprised when the khateeb gives his sermon without yelling.
3. You are surprised when your indigenous Muslim friend actually takes you up on your offer to pay for his/her food.
4. You wonder why almost all non-Egyptian men actually have decent-looking beards.
5. When reciting Qur’an you accidentally pronounce all the “jims” as “gims.”

You know you are a blackAmerican Muslim when:
1. Collard greens and beef ribs are on the menu at the mosque iftar.
2. Your name is Abdul-Hakim Jenkins.
3. You wear niqab, but still go clubbing.
4. You bought your kufi off the back of a truck.
5. You sell incense for a living.
6. You have three wives, and you subsist off of their welfare checks.
7. You refer to your birth name as your “government name”.
8. You’ve conflated the concepts of adab and home training. (See my latest blog entry for definition of home training.)
9. Your non-Muslim family members know as many Islamic terms as you do.
10. You appear on a PBS special on women’s treatment in the mosque, and upon airing, your whole family screams, records the segment, and calls all their friends to watch.

In honor of Nakia’s devastingly so funny I was crying list:

You know you are an upper class twit white Muslim convert if….

1. You see Islam as a strange mix between slumming and nobility and secretly wish your name were Abdul-Halim Jenkins.
2. You eat collard greens and call it Sunna even though you do not know what they are, your mother surely never cooked them for you, you are not sure if there is a special fork to eat them or not, and glad your upbringing has prepared you to eat with your hands if necessary.
3. You wear niqab, but you take it off when you go clubbing, unless it is a sex club.
4. You bought your kufi from a blessed Sufi brother in a small alleyway in in a blessed village somewhere in the “East” and touch it frequently for the baraka while saying related blessings associated with the particular saint a little too loudly but with great modesty.
5. You buy incense from Black brothers on the street after saying your salams loudly for all to hear and hope with these words you’ll be rendered ‘safe’ in the neighborhood.
6. You want three wives and feel cheated that your gracious little brown wife’s Islam doesn’t seem to come with that provision.
7. You refer to your birth name as your kafir name, but only whispered in close company.
8. You use adab like a social cudgel and pretend to be a 17th century Oriental Nobleman given audience in the King’s court.
9. Your non-Muslim family members are waiting to hear when you are going off to Chechnya knowing little that you are really looking to get into the rich Sufi’s dinner party.
10. You appear in a PBS special on women’s treatment in Islam and provide fantastic apologies for the worst treatment while blocking your wife from being interviewed.

You’re probably a recovering Muslim convert if…

1. You’d much rather greet everyone with “hi”.

2. You used to pray so hard that your teenager would understand the importance of prayer, but now that s/he is praying five times a day without any reminding from you, you’re worried about extremism.

3. Seeing women in hijab bugs you on some deep level. But at the same time, you can’t keep your eyes off them. You keep looking at them out of the corners of your eyes.

4. Hijab looks too extreme to you, but shorts and mini-skirts look even worse. No style of clothes seems ok to you any more, somehow.

5. You still can’t quite believe that you now have the freedom to eat at KFC or Macdonalds if you want.

6. You still feel grossed out by the idea of eating pork, even though you grew up eating it.

7. Whenever someone talks about “our brothers in whatever-muslim-country-it-is, you want to scream and pound your head in frustration.

8. Whenever someone says they are raising money for orphans in wherever-it-is, your instinctive response is to decide to give to the Cancer Society or the Red Cross instead.

9. You very much regret legally changing your name to Amatullah Jenkins.

10. You are still a Muslim but you just don’t know how to be a Muslim with other Muslims.

Ginan Rauf

you know you are a secular Arab American when

1- You cannot stop arguing with converts and bonkers has to step in
to preserve the peace.

2- You could care less about the inimitability of the language and
just want do the gutteral curse in Arabic ( colloquial)

3- You’ve been having Ramadan beer all day and just want to have
iftar at some hijabis house who has been cooking all day so you
don’t have to and hey absent that you just cannot decide whether
you want to do Chinese,Indian, Italian, Lebanese or Turkish.

4- You thought you came to America to get away from all this halal
talk and now they are confusing you with all this kosher talk.

5- Like what the hell do I care what some cleric thinks about a
measely fart ruining wud’a. eh el khara dah?

6-LIke I listen to any of those those guys when it took Pat Robertson all this time to admit that global warming is real.

7- Like you cannot figure out why objecting to empire makes you an
un-American immigrant type. Gee didn’t Mark Twain oppose do
it?

8- You cannot believe anybody would voluntarily wear polyester
hijab (wicked ugly) or why princess this princess that would buy
overpriced coach bags (wicked boring) instead of wearing evironmentally sustainable hemp that is grown by battered women and victims of sexual abuse on cooperative farms with profits going directly to non-profit NGO’s working with women recovering from breast cancer.

8- You start every conversation with let me explain to you the
political historical complexities of the region.

9- You’d much rather be reading Arundhati Roy than Amina Wadud.

10-every man in your family is a doctor or banker or aspiring engineer.

Ginan is argumentative!

Perhaps it’s being an Arab that makes you this way.

Bwaaa haaa haa! All of this is so funny because its all just so identifiable. I suppose I fit the “recovering Muslim convert” model the best, to a T… But, I’ve been around all the other models, too, and God bless ‘em all, every one of them for being the memorable characters that make it worthwhile to stay in the game of being Muslim.

- A Salafi in worship, a Sufi in society, a Secularist in government.

Take it easy, sailor; its all in good fun.

- A Salafi in worship, a Sufi in society, a Secularist in government.

You know you are a WASP convert when:

1. You refer to your practice as Low Church Islam.

2. You still do Sunday brunch.

3. It would never occur to you to do brunch on Friday.

4. You can still talk about the terroire of various California wines, even if you don’t drink them.

5. You have an ankle-length tennis skirt.

6. You’re glad facial hair is coming back ‘in’.

7. You have at one point or another referred to Shi’i imam-reverence as ‘Popery’.

8. Your usual exclamation of disgust is “...Jesus Christ.”

9. You own at least one camel-and-plaid headscarf.

You might be a Mexican-Persian-Muslim if . . .

1. You state "Time for namaaz al-fajr" instead of salaat.

2. You say "Salaam" instead of the obligatory "Assalaamu aleikum."

3. You love salsa, lime, diced onions and cilantro on your basmati rice instead of saffron and sumac.

4. You wear a rebozo instead of hijab to the masjid, because your mother says, "M'ija, eres una mexicana no eres una arabe."

5. You wear your kufi like a beanie, not like a yamulke.

6. You root for the Mexican El Tri soccer team instead of some Muslim country's team.

7. You crave pork product, missing carnitas and frustrated when Mexican taco shops use lard for everything.

8. Your wife still likes her spandex pants despite converting, saying, "Ay cabron, I'm covered!"

I know it's all in good fun OmarG.

Stating a fact is not being aggressive, but it's not nice calling someone self-centered when you barely know them.  Blogs in general are about personal matters and one's identity, if she finds my comments objectionable, then she should remember her adaab and reframe from insulting me. 

I am only acknowledging that our sister is argumentative, which is a quite true.

Shia imam as "Popery" . . . excuse me . . .

1. But you know you're Shia when you curse the House of Saud and call them the BOGUS Custodians of the Two Holy Mosques, wishing for the return of the Jordanian Hashemites to Mecca. Hey, it's true . . .

2. When Salafi is a word that has a nasty after taste in your mouth . . .

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Willow . . .

I’m not Shia, I don’t even subscribe to a school of fiqh since I consider this

BIDAH . . .

Minerats are BIDAH

Caliphates are BIDAH . . .

Hahahahaha, anything not in existence during the time of the Prophet in my opinion is BIDAH

Calling the Prophet the “perfect man” is dangerously close to associating partners with God, come on, I thought Muslims liked denigrating Christians over this matter, and they seem so dangerously close to deifying the Prophet . . .

Remember what Jesus said, “All have sinned and come short of the glory of God.”

Hey, that would include human prophets.

And guess what?

Muslims lie about their “canonical history” since the imperial account of Umar capturing Jerusalem is historically false, it was surrendered to the Muslim armies to a petty Arab general by the Christian Patriarch.

Since Jerusalem was a late Antiquity Roman city, it could have withstood a siege from the Muslim armies for some time.

The more I learn about the “truth” of the imperial Islamic history, the more I realize, Muslims like their other human counterparts, have “foundational myths.”

You know you're a Muslim chauvinist . . .

1. When you feel that 9/11 was an inside job.

2. When the problems facing the Ummah were caused by two nations, the US and Israel.

3. When the recent foiled terror plot in London was a fabrication, a diversion from the crisis in Lebanon.

4. When you denigrate all non-Muslims by calling them kafir.

5. When you feel that "even the worst Muslim is the better than the kafir."

6. When you denigrate Christianity and Judaism without even engaging in comparative religious studies.

7. When you mistake Gulf Arab culture for "Islamic" culture, what ever that is!

8. When you say "I'm a Muslim free from culture." Dumb ass, religion is culture.

9. When non-Muslim issues don't concern you.

10. When you feel the need to change your given birth name.

11. When you feel that "having a baby face" is effeminate for men and when "women wearing pants" is haram.

12. When you make what is not wajid – wajid (obligatory).

13. When you now start speaking English with an Arabized accent.

14. When you want to move to Riyadh, even though you have never been to Saudi Arabia or made the Hajj, and deem Saudi Muslims impeccable.

15. When you feel Muslims are free of racism though "looking white" is the standard of beauty in the Arab world, when have you seen a black Nubian Miss Egypt? Always some blonde unveiled bimbo from Alexandria!

Dark skinned Egyptian women are way more good looking than their white counterparts in my opinion.

you know you are a secular Arab American closet protestant
when you say to Willow you mean it isn’t poppery and your
husband views the self-flagellation as a public health issue.

You you’re not a Middle Eastern when you don’t . . .

1. Beat your chest during a funeral

2. Parade your dead in a procession with a shahada banner over the pine coffin.

3. Separate womenfolk and menfolk in public gatherings.

4. Carry banners with Arabic lettering with precise military precision.

5. Carry photos of Nasrallah, Osama, Ahmedinejah, Assad, etc.

6. Or have your chadored women yoddle with their tongues.

You know you’re a bellingerant Zionist . . .

1. When you claim with certainty that your ancestors lived in Roman Judea.

2. When you say, “What’s a Palestinian? They don’t exist, they are Jordanians.”

3. “What’s all this talk with a two state solution? Jordan is the Palestinian homeland.”

4. When you don’t differentiate among Arabs.

5. When you want to expell Arab Israeli population.

6. When you blame Hezbollah for the bombing and killings in Qana, Israelis cannot be aggressors, it was “Hezbollah since they hide within the civilian population.”

7. You believe Palestine was empty and devoid of people back in 1914.

8. You desire the creation of a Greater Israel, since it’s enshrined in your nation’s constitution.

9. You’re an American Jew with no knowledge of Hebrew, and you were born in Tucson, but fight for the IDF instead of the American military.

10. You set up camp in Hebron, even though the population there is hostile to you.

11. You assassinate your own prime ministers for giving up land for peace.

12. You detonate bombs in the Tomb of the Patriarchs.

13. You fight off IDF soldiers when they evict you from your illegal settlements.

14. You make friends with apocalyptic Christians, yearning for the return of Christ and the Rapture.

15. All Muslims are all “terrorists.”

16. You think falafel is “Israeli food.” Cultural appropriators!

17. You curse the sight of an Arab but use their language to curse and use foul language.

Ginan, you’re hilarious.

During Ashura I wear a surgical mask, plastic gloves, and gowns.

I don’t know what kind of airborne pathogens I may come in contact with.

Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!

You know you’re a xenophobe . . .

1. When you complain that Mexicans are engaged in an invasion to retake back their land lost in 1848.

2. You lament hearing on the phone, “Presa numero dos para esponol.”

3. You get angry seeing voter registration forms in Spanish, Tagalog, Korean, Chinese (simplified and traditional characters), and Japanese.

4. You drive past a mosque, saying to yourself, “These people are among us, how can we tolerate a fifth column among us.”

5. You complain about illegal immigration, but your maid/nanny is not authorized to work in the United States and the gardner you pick up from the local Home Depot.

6. You think affirmative action is anti-white, though the largest recipients of affirmative action have been white women.

7. You believe in this meritocratic myth, though Princeton rejected 80% of all the valedictorians last year who applied for undergraduate freshmen admissions.

8. You believe in the Harotic Algers story, but your father was a Yale alumnus and you got into that school not based on grades/test scores but connections. Your first job was given to you and never advertised in the classified ads.

9. You are paranoid around young black people in the Downtown area, fearing they might mug you or assault you.

10. You get angry at Mexicans waiving their flags during protests but seem to excuse Jewish Americans waiving the flag of Israel.

11. You only like Jews and want them to return to Palestine because this is a pre-condition for the Second Coming.

12. America is annointed with the blessings of the Lord Jesus Christ, somehow England and America are blessed by God Almighty, you believe in American exceptionalism and Anglo-Saxon superiority.

You know you’re a Saudi hypocrite . . .

1. When you go to Bahrain for a Ukrainian sex worker.

2. You drink alcohol in Dubai and consume pork (the other white meat) by diving yours hands into a pepperoni pizza.

3. You gamble in Monte Carlo.

4. You curse the West but you engage in the decadence afforded to you there.

5. You consider masterbation haram, but you jack off to a cover of Pamela Anderson’s book “Stars.”

6. You hate homosexuals, but you experimented with your college buddy Muhammad while studying overseas in the United States.

7. You call women who show their mid-drift whores but you frequent the strip clubs on Sunset every year in Los Angeles.

8. You call transgendered women perverts, but on vacations to Tahiti, you’re too drunk to determine the women from the local male-to-females.

Sitaram . . . in that case, Muslims reject the Pauline doctrine and therefore would take anything Paul had to say with suspicion.

Hahahahahaha!

But still . . . Muhammad never claimed perfection neither in the Hadith or the Qur’an.

It may have been Paul who said, "All have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God", in one of the epistles. I will google for that verse. Yes, here it is: (Romans 3:23).

Another favorite of mine, often quoted by many, from Paul, "God places his treasures of gold in vessels of clay (earthen vessels)". The "treasures of gold" are teachings of spiritual wisdom. The "earthen vessels" are our flawed humanity, in all its weakness.

If you enjoy novels and literature, you may like to read the following excerpt from Steinbeck's novel, "East of Eden" at my message board:

http://literarydiscussions.myfreeforum.org/ftopic402.php

Steinbeck had a tremendous insight into the fallen nature of human weakness as well as into those "treasures of gold" concealed within our flawed nature.

They were not pure, but they had a potential of purity, like a soiled
white shirt. And any man could make something pretty fine of it within
himself. True enough, the Reverend Billing, when they caught up with
him, turned out to be a thief, an adulterer, a libertine, and a zoophilist,
but that didn't change the fact that he had communicated some good things to a great number of receptive people. Billing went to jail, but
no one ever arrested the good things he had released. And it doesn't matter much that his motive was impure.He used good material and some of it stuck. I use Billing only as an outrageous example. The honest preachers had energy and go. They fought the devil, no holds barred, boots and eye-gouging permitted.

You might get the idea that they howled truth and beauty the way a seal bites out the National Anthem on a row of circus horns. But some of the truth and beauty remained, and the anthem was recognizable.

Vivekananda toured America for 3 years, and the end of the 19th century. One day a Mormon preacher tried to convert him. Vivekananda explained, "I cannot convert to your religion, because I hold very different beliefs and practices, but you should go to India and preach, and convert many there."  The Mormon was astounded, and asked "How can you ask me to preach to your countrymen, when you yourself reject my beliefs." Vivekananda explained, "There are people in India who reject all forms of religion, so, if they become attracted to your form of worship, then they too will come to know the joys of worship and faith."

You know you are a Middle Aged Single White American Muslim if….

1. You react to every new North American brewed terrorist threat with a disgusted, “Brother, enough already. Could you please work out these issues with a therapist?” and, “Isn’t there an SSRI for this?”

2. You feel jeans are sunna and wearing Muslim clothes from abroad except as accessories is weirdly appropriating someone else’s culture and, well, tacky.

3. You are too tired to lift an eyebrow when young Muslimas share their delicate concerns about your lack of faith citing the one to one relationship between yards of cloth on your body and faith in your heart.

4. You are too burnt out for relativism and essentialism.

5. You realize helping sisters and brothers means service and what you believe does not matter.

6. Young Muslim men write you e-mails asking for sex advice with their new wives, you give it, and they are grateful, and you think “Damn, who knew this would be activism.”

7. You get very realistic about Islamic law and what it can do for a living particularly with respect to temporary marriage and birth control.

8. You can no longer pray in the back of a mosque anymore, and you know you are not alone in this sentiment.

9. In your e-harmony account under what you want in a partner you want to write, “The Prophet Muhammad,” but you know you cannot count on Muslim or non-Muslim men to know what you mean by that. So you settle on “A man comfortable enough with his own masculinity that he naturally respects, loves, and desires strong women.”

10. You know it is a proof of the truth of God, the Qur’an, and Muhammad (s) that you are still a deeply faithful Muslim after all you’ve seen.

Ginan Rauf

all in good fun sailor

Kiss Ginan?

I guess you’re married . . . but don’t some Arabs like Persians kiss loved ones (not married or related to them) on the cheeks?

:o)

happily married and joyfully kissing. one kiss on each side.

You know you are a "post-anarchist post-muslim" when…

1. You refuse to answer the question "Are you a Muslim"

2. You answer the question "Are you a Muslim" with "Allahu 'alam," "Aren't we all?", or "Well, I'm not 'a' Muslim, though I do practice Islam"

3. You find yourself having to consider "contemplation of the beardless" a crime only because society does not have an "infrastructure" to support it, while simultaneously saying: but it's not for me anyway. This puts you in a very awkward position, a position you yourself don't accept, but you also don't believe in ultimate truths beside the one Truth. Or so you say.

4. Believe Islam and Sufism have both become idols and should be abandoned in their institutional forms.

5. Believe the prohibition of alcohol has to do with intoxication, whereby if something does not intoxicate you than it is fair game. As viewing hallucinogens and alcohol as "covering" the mind is a "Western" concept not shared by most/ all shamanic communities who have actually used the stuff, you feel people should have access to whatever they like. You use Shiva (the blue-throated container of intoxicants who would never falter) as an example of this and feel no shame not using an "Islamic" source to back this up.

6. You believe that bikins are 100% halal since all the necessary parts are covered. However, you believe that nudity is the desired goal in sunny weather and that in company that can handle it, it is accepted. You also believe the Qur'an supports this claim, so nyaaa.

7. You believe that Islam is really just Zen Buddhism, and this helps you sleep at night. The more you tell yourself this the better you feel.

8. You can't stand anything "Zatuna" because it turns out to be just another boy's club. In addition, you find it insulting that a notable Zaytunite would spend ridiculous amounts of words and space trying to prove that women should not lead prayer, as opposed to simply looking around and seeing if the obvious sources ban it. Upon not finding a clear ban on women-lead prayer you (he) then proceeds to not find that convincing enough and puts effort into proving otherwise. This, you believe exposes the inherent sexism in his argument and therefore lessens him in your eyes. Thsi also proves that the scholars themselves are as biased and culturally pegged as anyone else and should be related to as such. But you are jealous of their command of the language!

9. You feel that modern Islam's take on homosexuality is so ridiculously "Christian" and homophobic that it makes you scream at the top of your lungs "Historically Muslim ideas of sexuality have always been that sexuality is multifaceted, as laws proscribed for 'inserters' and 'receivers' differed, and that you are all fooling yourselves buying into a false hetero/homo binary of hate!"

10. You grow a beard not because it's Islamic (for you would shave it off if someone told you you needed to grow one because of this) but rather because it's cool and your wife (and the others that play with you both) like it and you feel like it makes you look tough.

11. You think that all this stuff about what's allowed and what's not is a diversion and ultimately something to give Muslims something to obsess about and hate one another over. You believe Islam is bigger than that and that the Uncontainable looks favorably on the nice people.

you know you are an Arab American free thinking humanist when
you roll over laughing with Kurt Vonnetgut:

‘’‘ I am incidentally, Honorary President of the American Humanist
association, having suceeded the late, great science fiction
writer Isaac Asimov in that totally functionless capacity. We had
a memorial service for Isaac a few years back, and I spoke and
said at one point, ‘’ Isaac is up in heaven now’‘. It was the
funniest thing I could have said to an audience of humanists. I
rolled them in the aisles. It was several moments before order
could be restored. And if I should ever die, God forbbid, I hope
you will say, ‘’ Kurt is up in heaven now’‘, that’s my favorite
joke’‘

You know you are a white convert shi’i muslim progressive when:

1. You quote to others that you can’t permanantly damage yourself in zanjeer matam (bloody kind), but at the same time, open up a can of whup-ass when anyone criticizes it.

2. Advise single women to avoid temporary marriage, but at the same time, open up a can of whup-ass when anyone … criticizes it.

3. Can both insult and praise an Ayatullah in the same breath.

4. Can both insult and praise Iran in the same nanosecond.

(4.5) Will crticize Hizbullah, but go stomping when someone else does.

5. Want to start the first all-female public matam group (chains or blades, your choice).

6. Would have secretly have wanted to be named Amatullah or Abdul-Halim Jenkins, but hippy parents managed to cough up an Arabic birth name anyway.. (huh?)

7. cite fatwas in favor of oneself, and totally ignore those that aren’t. tough cookies, folks.

8. May not be sure about the whole masoom thing, but definetly believe Ali should have got it after the Prophet died.

9. you have to ask your mom how to make meatloaf, which turns out to be the big winner at iftar.

10. Answer the question “Are you Muslim?” with, “I don’t care WHAT you think!”

You know you converted to Islam for the wrong reasons if you did if for:

Men:
The sexism
The polygamy
The wife-beating
The submissive petite brown women
The dream to be the new Hemingway of Chechnya
Women:
The women’s liberation
The positive sexual attitude
The men who carry their obligations
The righteous superiority
The polyester jilbabs

“The dream to be the new Hemingway of Chechnya”

Ahahaha

You know you are muslim for the RIGHT reasons when…

1. You make liberal use of the “Muslim discount” on Atlantic Avenue in Brooklyn.

“Hello. How much is this black seed oil?”
“Ten dollars.”

A week later…

“Asalaamu Alaykum. How much is this black seed oil?”
“You Muslim? Two bucks.”

Sweeeeeet.

2. You can air out all that pent up aggression towards Muslims that previously made you an imperialist, but now makes you a critic from “within the fold.”

3. You can thank God that irony has yet to be defeated and be “that indie-rock kid who converted to Islam.”

4. You can have yet another thing to rebel against.

5. Dates! (as in the breaking fast kind)

6. You can live out your fantasy of walking around wiith beads either A. strung around your wrist or B. hung around you neck and convince yourself that this is different than if you were a Catholic and had done the same with Rosaries.

7. You spend most of the time sitting on the floor in your friends’ apartments rather than in chairs, and do that lean-head-on-wrist-with-elbow-on-knee pose that you see so often in woodcuts of old lounging Sufis.

8. If you’re white say for the first time “Salaam alykum” to a Black american Muslim who responds in kind and think to yourself: Hey I like this!

9. You than feel ashamed of this because “Islam is color-blind” and it’s yet another form of racism.

10. You realize now you’re really a part of something that’s actually happening when previously you had to event things that were happening like the supposed impending revolution of the masses blah blah blah…

Baraka, you never answered my question, what is your identity?

In terms of race/ethnic affiliation . . .

an ugly bag of mostly water?

Leila . . . is this the same Leila from southern California?

You might be a progressive muslim if…

1. you think you are in need of a distinct “American Islamic culture”, not knowing that you still emulate the backwardness of your parents place-of-origin, and can’t stand that an “American Islamic culture” would dictate you at like a decent person (exactly why you & your family left your native country)
2. You bought your kufi from a blessed Sufi brother in a small alleyway in in a blessed village somewhere in the “East” and touch it frequently for the baraka while saying related blessings associated with the particular saint a little too loudly but with great modesty. Oh, right after you curse the Wahhabis for their extremism (read: monotheism)
3. You get mad when an american accepts Islam, thinking “He has so much potential, why didnt he do something with his life?”
4. You think of modesty as a hindrance and bravery as extremism.
5. you sum up your deen in top-ten lists
6. You are ashamed of your (insert bodily feature you are ashamed of ‘big nose, brown skin, bad skin, greasy hair, etc.’) and wonder why converts arent out having sex with the white girls that you are at home jerking off to the thoughts of
7. Islam to you is History (take that both ways)
8. Wikipedia has more authority than the Quran in your estimation, well at least because you can edit it.
9. When you say “Islam can change, religion is culture.” Dumb ass, Islam is a Deen. (look up the arabic)
10. you bitch & complain about saudi hypocrisy, yet you have never lived there.

Heres more….......

11. 18th century american literature has such deep meaning, so you always quote it. yet the hadith are so shallow to you.
12. you claim that “everyone who idenifies as a Muslim is a Muslim” yet privately curse salafis as anything but.
13. .... and Ikhwanis and traditionalists come ina close second
14. The only time you quote hadith is when you need to justify your own actions. but lest anyone else try then….
15. You view recognition of valid physiological differences as sexism, yet get mad when someone macks on you wife (ok well maybe not that last part…)
16. You view conversion/reveresion as cultural slumming, even when the one you accuse of such would probably whup your ass for saying so, which you wouldnt because your own ‘culture’ doesnt allow you to communicate freely, but since you’re in a struggle to give it up, and just can’t, you call yourself a progressive muslim.
17. look at reverts with contempt; but would love it if they were an expert of modern art or a socialist activist.

You know you are a Prog Muslim Wrestling Fan if

You check the progressive islam site during Hulk Hogan’s entrance during Summer Slam so you won’t commit shirk by becoming a Hulkimaniac by accident find a hostile post from someone who seems to be mad about something but you can’t tell what it is since the humor is non-existent and the insults hit like bird-shot but you don’t have time to care cause Randy Orton is coming into the ring to smash the Hulk and you are a fan of the Legend Killer!

if because Hogan wins the match against Orton you feel it is a sign from God that you should encourage the anonymous mad person to write in again and feel comfortable getting all his or her hostility toward whatever it is he or she thinks progressive islam is so he or she can get over it and have fun writing lists that sum up his or her din just like the ulama of old.

You know you’re a inner-city muslim when

You can’t stand all the OC kids who tYp3 lyKe diS
and act ghetto.

You tend to question one too many things.

When you’re caught walking around town, people think you’re hindu or even mexican.

You know one too many Spanish words.

You know what ?Que onda hindu? means, and you usually reply with a “ Que onda puto?? “

You play soccer

You call mosque the masjid

You know more Nation of Islam members than regular muslims.

You go to Community College.

You listen to rap or indie rock.

You ride the bus and laugh when people ask “ Oh my God you actually took Public Transportation!? “ ( especially when it’s OC kids )

You’re a crazy dancer

The public library is your second home

You’re parents were immigrants

Face it: You’re dirt poor

You know more Spanish than Arabic/Hindi words

You probably know more about other history than your own

You probably know more about your friends’ family tree than yours

You usually give money to the poor with your right hand and in your mind you say “ Jazakallah “

You consider this salaat even though you’re 95% sure they’re going to spend it on drugs

People think you’re last name is Patel

I hate it when Desi brats act “Black.”

Yo, I’m goin’ to da Curry Hizzle to scarf some Kab-izzle.

LOL- most of those things apply to me, except for the Latino and Desi 

references- I grew up in a black ghetto, although I do know a handful of

Urdu terms, they were mostly gathered after leaving home. Zameer, hope

you hang around, I need to see more Muslims like you.  

Urdu or Hindi? Which is it?

I prefer the term Hindi, since I’m a little biased against Pakistan.

Free Pushtunistan!

Hehehehehehehe!

What does “hindu” in Spanish mean?

I figured it meant “Hindu” (or maybe in street-slang it means something more like Desi) but I was wondering how they pronounce it … throaty Spanish J or silent H? Or the Spanish G, which is like an English H.

Jaquim