Recently, I have been telling people that I converted or reverted to Islam (the preferred term of choice in many Muslim circles).  Many of my friends and associates find this revelation both surprising and amusing.  Most consider this to be simply a fad, some trend or phase in my life, but something that is not going to be permanent or long-lasting though.

My significant other has accepted my choice, though he has no intention of reverting anytime soon.  To him religion is merely a “cult with power.”

But I don’t know how to take this reaction though.  In some ways, I find their behavior and accompanying reactions disappointing, patronizing, arrogant, and just plain callous.  I don’t want to use the term Islamophobic, but I think there is also some element of that in play.  I wouldn’t be surprised though or blame them per se.  I could not possibly blame them when all we see in the news are negative images of militancy, terrorism, human degradation, intolerance, and persecution.

Christianity has a violent history complete with anti-Semiticism and misogyny, but much of that is now confined to the pages of history unless we include what is currently happening in Zaire.

But in the Islamic world today, there is an alarming degree of ignorance and lack of compassion.  I remember reading a hadith concerning the Golden Rule, I will paraphrase it, “You do not truly believe unless you treat your fellow man as you would want to be treated.”  Basically, being a Muslim is predicated on treating others with human dignity and respect, regardless of labels and identity.

For many people I simply do not fit the mold of a Muslim.  I am too liberal I guess politically, too enamored in the visual arts, performance arts, and various other joys in life.

However, though iconography is discouraged in religious art when pertaining to Islam, iconography in the secular arts was quite common, even the Umayyad in Damascus engaged in the depiction of the human form, clearly borrowing from the Classical heritage of the Greco-Roman era.

When we look into the history of Islam, we find an Islam that was not self-defensive or intolerant, but one that was at ease with the world and the diversity it entails.  We find Muslims who were not chauvinists, and took and borrowed from other cultures without feeling the guilt of compromising their deen.

And this brings me back to my friends.  I love them and will not end my friendship with them simply because they do not understand my choice.  Islam, despite the ugly Muslims who make me want to quit, is something that speaks deeply to me.  I don’t know what it is, but every time I feel discouraged, something brings me back to Islam.  I guess it will take some time for me to be completely comfortable in my new skin.  When I first came out of the closet, I had some major issues with my sexual orientation and the fear of how others would perceive me.  This was my form of internalized homophobia.  Now that same issue is cast in a different light, my issue of coping with being a new Muslim and being completely comfortable in my new skin and self-chosen identity.

Perhaps I suffer from a latent case of internalized Islamophobia on some unconscious level.  However, over time I will find peace with myself and the world around me.